Life growing up was not so easy in my house. I was an only child and had two parents that loved me, but my Mom had a daily struggle with chronic pain, mental illness, and depression which leads to a life of alcoholism and addiction to painkillers. Sometimes as often as 2-4 times in a year she was in an out of the hospital for either her depression or for her addiction desperately wanting to be free. Growing up, I became very defiant, afraid, angry, distant, depressed, and hopeless. Thanks to the prayers of my Aunt and Uncle, as a young teen I gave my heart to the Lord at a local Christian Teen Center during a Passion Play that I participated in. I was so hungry to be loved and accepted and found this in my relationship with Jesus Christ and being surrounded by people who loved me despite my struggles. Jesus radically changed my life that year and gave me such hope. Yet I still found I was often times struggling with depression and fear.
When I became a young mother some of the trauma that I experienced as a child began to come up in me when it came to learning to be a mom to my newborn daughter. I was overwhelmed and struggling with anxiety, depression, and fear. Then one day while at church, someone came up to me and said, God wants to bring restoration to the relationship between you and your Mother. I began to weep deeply and had an open vision encounter with God that brought great healing.
In the encounter, it was like a movie playing out in my head but it was actually a suppressed memory. It started out with me as an 8-year-old walking home from the bus. When I got into my home, my Mother was throwing things and screaming at my Dad about not being able to handle being a Mother or Wife and that she just wanted to give up. She wanted to die. These words literally shattered me!
With the overwhelming fear that felt like a straight-jacket on a soul of shattered glass, I ran into my room and locked the door. There hidden in the darkest corner of my closet this shattered child of my memories, sat rocking herself in a ball, unable to understand or know how to express the trauma that coursed through her.
Then, suddenly the view changed and I was outside of my home again watching from above and I saw Jesus walk into my home, past my parents, and come to my door. He knocked on the door and asked to come in. I was too scared, yet He responded,
“Susan, I have come, so you don’t have to be alone.
Please let me in.”
I tried to open the door yet found it stuck. Working together (Him pushing and me pulling) the door came swinging open. Running into His loving arms, Jesus held me for so long and I wept deep tears of grief as years of fear and sadness melted off me in that moment. Then He gently said, “Susan, it is time to go. I love you too much for you to remain here.” Yet, I was too scared to face my parents, but with His promise to go before me and prepare the way, we left the room with me hide behind him. When I left the room my parents were waiting with open arms and kissed me goodbye. Yet as we said goodbye this child suddenly became a part of me again. I was no long watching through the eyes of an 8-year-old but I was an adult again.
Although this encounter took 45 minutes, I felt like that little eight-year-old version of me was rescued from years worth of torment from anxiety. Jesus the following passage of scripture:
The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners. Isaiah 61:1
Then He told the people that today that scripture was fulfilled. Jesus did that in me and is still doing it. Every time we experience something painful, He is longing to come and healing, rescue, and restore every broken part of us.
The Hebrew word for “broken” in Isaiah 61:1 is shavar, meaning “to burst, break into pieces, wreck, crush, smash; to rend, tear in pieces.” This is referring to fractured where a portion of our spirit separates itself as a natural way to deal with a traumatic event. I am still very much just learning about this subject, however in the process of receiving some emotional healing myself have discovered how much God desires for people to be whole in body, soul, and spirit. I also discovered how we have the ability to spend time with God in the spirit and allow Him to bring healing to any fragmented parts of us.
In the last 6 months, I have discovered a deeper understanding of what happened in that moment so many years ago. My good friends Matt Evans, Michael King, and Praying Medic introduced me to the understanding of part’s or fractures that occur naturally when someone goes through traumatic circumstances. Many people think that this is something that happens only to those who have dissociative identity disorder or experienced sexual abuse, but this is something that happens to almost everyone at some point or another. Often times these parts become evident whenever we experience an event or action that triggers an emotional pain or fear to come to the surface. For me one of my triggers was confrontation or fighting, I would become overwhelmed and shut down emotionally. The amazing new is this…
Jesus loves you so much and He died so that you no longer have to live in bondage or fear. He has come to proclaim good news to the poor, bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners. Are you willing to let Him come do the same for you? Just ask Him. I believe some of you who read this are about to experience His restoration in a powerful way. I would strongly encourage you to check out the following links which are a great resource for emotional healing and healing of fractures.
Spirit-Led Inner Healing Sessions:
Matt Evans on Emotional Healing of Fractured Parts:
How I was Healed of Fractured Parts
Michael King on Emotional Healing:
DID, Self-healing, Integrating, Fragments, and Alters
Praying Medic Podcast about Emotional Healing:
Podcast Emotional Healing Praying Medic