Freedom surrounds me from every place I look. There are places where I glance and see your glory open to the whole world. Yet, inside our hearts, we struggle to see the freedom that has come to set us free. Surrounded by doubt, sorrow, anger, fear, and shame, we fold into our boxes and frames. We try to get the status we need for people to see. We hope that if we move softly, we could actually look free. But deep inside there is a part of us that is crying for a place to be seen. Not wanting to reveal the darkness that is yet to be seen. So we fold into our bubbles. All safe and warm. While outside the world see us as a place where mercy is just a score.
Jesus, take this broken heart and open me up. I no longer can hide these wounds. I need you to heal me so I can truly allow freedom and mercy to have it’s home in the dark areas inside of me.
Walking into the place where your mercy is so strong. I see you standing before me and all the curtains are drawn. Completely vulnerable, I expose every bit of my wounds and sorrow. I am no longer hiding what I once had so covered. Jesus, I come before you. I am so tired of being broken. I want to live in abundant life and to remain in the place where I am an overcomer. Currently, I feel like my brokenness has become a sin to me, that I have never overcome. It causes me to stumble, Time and time again.
I want to be completely open and honest with you. No more hiding the darkness that seems to hold me down. Here is my body, here is my blood. Here are the areas that seem to be buried. Jesus comes in and cleanses me like a flood. I feel the deep broken parts inside me are raging. They long for freedom yet they seem to remain in cages. I am releasing all this brokenness and allowing your glory to come in. For this is a place where you have brought me, to let my heart be cleansed to begin again.
Gently you carry me to a place that you have prepared for me. you cleanse the wounds that have been broken open regularly by my daily struggles and needs. I try to release the hurt and brokenness inside, but it seems like it keeps coming and turning inward inside. Tears flowing and heart groaning I lay there with you standing by my side. I see the tears in your eyes as you slowly begin to wash the hurts deep inside. Gently you speak to me about the sorrow I feel.
“My darling, I am going where there is much to be revealed. This place is filled with a darkness that doesn’t belong to you. It has been placed there by the enemy and has made it’s home in you. I will remove it at the root and take away it’s hold on you.”
Placing his hand deep within my side, I feel the place where the darkness has grown inside. My heart is hurting so deeply within; He asks me if I would sleep so that He can remove the painful darkness within and cleanse my wounds from within. Gently He places His hands over my head and with His words, “Sleep my love” this deep sleep comes, and I completely yield.
Waking up, I open my eyes to see him standing there. His smile warms me so, and I begin to realize that the pain is no longer there. Standing there over me, he gently touches my hair. I listen to his whisper, and I am completely relaxed. His words bring healing to me while I lay there. My Strength slowly returned when He took my hand and gently lifted me. With His arm behind me, I felt His life flowing through me.
Slowly standing up, I leaned into Him. Knowing I could stand at this moment, I just wanted to remain here with Him. For in His arms was such peace. I could feel His breath and hear his heart beating so near. Gently the tears came yet these tears were not of sorrow. These tears were the relief of knowing His love was filling those places that once were so dark and full of sorrow. I didn’t want to leave this place, but just to remain here. For it was in this place that His love began to wipe away the tears of every fragment in me and bring me to a place of …
…Peace Be Still…
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars; he gives to all of them their names. Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure.
Psalm 147 3-5 ESV
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