The Battle for Intimacy

I want you to take a moment and step into experiencing how much the Lord fights for intimacy with us. So many times we can become consumed and frustrated by those areas in our lives that block us from those moments of intimacy with Him. Our longing for breakthrough or our areas of weakness or struggles with our past become like a darkness that overcomes our ability to grasp His constant presence. He never leaves us or forsakes us. He is always right there fighting for us. Here is a moment of experiencing His willingness to fight for us.

The Father speaks, “I have given you a place to stay where you can see I am never far away. Do not look with doubt or pain, but look at me and find joy again. I see the depths of the pain you have seen. I know the places where love has not been received. It is a place that only seems to grow with sorrow and pain and no hope for tomorrow. It is a place where my justice will reign. Do not stand down. Do not givein. Rest in me and I will bring justice and my love will win. Come to me and do not be afraid. Run to me, and I will pull you through.”

I run as fast as I can. The resistance is so strong. I just want to give in. Yet, I hear you telling me to breathe. I try to push through the darkness but I just can’t see. “I can’t, Papa! I feel so stuck in all this darkness and pain. I long for you, and I want to be free!Will you come and rescue me?”

With that I see the darkness pushed aside and Jesus comes with furious love in His eyes. When I reach out to Him again, I feel like something in me resists him. “Jesus help me to see. Help me to move past whatever it is that holds me back from you. I hate this! I hate this place where resistance is so strong. Jesus, breathe your life into me. I just can’t move on.” Shaking with tears and deep cries I plead,

“I want to be free! I want to be free!

But I can’t see...

I can see...

I see you.…I see you!This darkness is a lie! I don’t believe this darkness any more. You are right here in front of me. I will let go of every lie that says the darkness is stronger than your love for me.“The fight it real but your love shines through. I take your hand, and you pull me through. You hold onto me as something inside me wants to fight this. I hear your words come through like the air I breathe.Suddenly, there is the sound of a mighty rushing wind blowing through me.

“LEAVE HER!” you say.

With this, the darkness goes out the door. Suddenly, you’re holding me, as I sob on the floor. The torment has stopped, and the dark voices are gone. My tears mix with yours as you hold me tightly. Your quiet presence brings me peace and your love is poured out deeply into me.

The Father comes, and I hear Him speak, “Rest my love and find a place to be still. Do not hold onto the things that cause your heart to be broken even more still. I have given you the very keys to see freedom from the darkness that you see. You are my warrior. You are my victorious one. I have given you the strength in my love to overcome. Do not be afraid of the ugly things. There are bigger places, where you will have victory. I am going to push through this darkness, and you will see. You will see the darkness, and you will not be afraid. Instead, you will laugh and sing praises that create joy that destroys the pain. Do not listen to the voices of doubt. Come a little closer and see that I am creating new things for you to shout.

Sing a song with me, my beautiful one. Sing it deeply that my love will overcome. Overcome, my beautiful one and look at me. I have given you the victory. No more sorrow. No more shame. You are free because you carry my name. You are beloved. You are my child. I have given you the freedom to overcome darkness and hell. So many times you look and only see the greatness of the pain. However, there is something bigger that holds no shame. It is a place where you can see victory. This is this place of intimacy.”

Holding even tighter to you, I rest and find that I can finally feel victory begin to breakthrough. My body is still feeling the pain inside. Deep inside me, my victory is greater, and the darkness can no longer hide. Like a mighty lion pursuing its prey. You devour the darkness with your Glorious light. You bring victory that comes in this fight.

I look and see that I am no longer hidden but shining like the dawn. Before me are my sword and a book that I lay hold of. As I bend down to pick these things up. Papa bends down and touches my chin, as I look up. As I look into His eyes I see something that I never saw before. It was a look of confidence in what I was about to do. This confidence is different than anything I have seen before. As I looked into His eyes, I heard Him speak:

“You were created to walk through this fire. Not by your ability or gifts or talents from me. What makes me confident in you, is your ability to lean on me. My daughter, it is your desire for intimacy. That is what will make this healing complete. Do not be afraid of the attacks or even the pain of this fight. Just press into me, and I will make things right. My freedom will reign. Come and sit and listen to me. In the secret place under the shadow of my wings. This is the place of Victory.”

Cover Photo by Arleen wiese on Unsplash